Moods and Moments
I’m in a bit of a sullen mood. I know that I need to write but I am at a complete loss and just don’t feel like putting forth the effort. It’s not that I don’t care, I care deeply. Sometimes it happens. I look through my very long list of ideas to write about and nothing appeals to me. I look out of my window for inspiration and see the once beautiful blooms of a magnolia are now brown and shriveled. Not the most uplifting site and it certainly reflects how I’m feeling. I notice in the background and across the street a Japanese cherry tree full of glorious pink blossoms. Such a wondrous juxtaposition revealing the beauty of the world and the cycle of life. As I breath in the scene and begin to “see” it, I notice the magnolia has new shoots sprouting from the branch tops with leaves ready to burst forth with a little more coxing from the sun.
The sky is a brilliant blue with only a few low clouds drifting lazily by. The warm sun is drying out our drenched yard. It is so saturated from the tremendous amount of rain we’ve had that it squishes like a sponge when you walk across it. It is hard to complain too much about the rain, knowing how tough things can be when we are in a drought. The thoughts of balance in nature helps to bring me back towards my happier self.
I take a midmorning break and sit on the back deck to simply be in the moment and nurture the baby happy self that is trying to shine through and overcome the doldrums I have been feeling. Our little backyard is crowned by a few, very tall and healthy, loblolly pines. They are quite majestic towering overhead, their boughs heavy with pine cones. They sway in the breeze as if dancing to this glorious new day. Several oaks are working hard, reaching toward the sun in hopes of one day overcoming the pines. The sparse branches of the zelkova tree are still barren with only tiny little buds beginning to show, while the dogwood is full of buds and ready to bloom at any moment.
The yard is a wonderful assortment of bushes and shrubs that Andrea has carefully planted over the years. She spends a lot of time deciding in what spot each plant will be happy in. Their different colored leaves and shapes draw you in. An early blooming azalea’s white flowers give a hint of things to come. The more you explore the more you find. Our statue of the Buddha remains in meditative equipoise reminding me that all is an illusion, as the stone turtle eyes a patch of grass. The little cherub sits on the edge of the now dry birdbath looking a little forlorn as Kokopelli plays his flute and dances in the spring.
Bird-feeders suspended from the pergola over the deck become busy as I watch. I can’t help but smile when I see the gold finches are getting their brilliant color back. They hop from perch to perch as if another place on the feeder might offer something better. Their jumping around reminds me of how my own minds works, always hopping around and looking for something better or different not realizing that what I have is perfect. The little finch pecks away as a hairy woodpecker drops in for a snack.
My little break has broken the spell of moodiness and provides me with these thoughts to share with you. While it’s true that we can’t tell ourselves how to feel and instantly change from sad to happy, we do have the power to alter our perspective and open our hearts to seeing the world a little differently. What was once a shriveled flower is now a bud of spring. I find by being gentle with myself I allow room for the shift to come in beautiful ways.
William C. Judge 2019
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